I’ve just noticed (with a mild sense of guilt that I managed to firmly wrestle to the ground with deft application of rational and positive thinking) that it’s been almost two months since my last posting. Thankfully that has been entirely down to me being rushed off my feet with enjoyable coaching and training projects… a very happy place to be when you’re a freelance consultant in the midst of a recession. As they say… mustn’t grumble!
So forgive me if I gently tug you back into the dim and distant past and re-present our happiness equation: H = S + C + V. We had got to the final letter – V – the variables within our control that impact our day to day happiness level. In my last posting we looked at how events in the past can impact V, whereas in this posting we will look at the impact of our views of the future.
The future looks bright then… or it does if you happen to be an optimist. As Henry Ford once said, “whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right”. I think it was him anyway.
You can check out your own optimism level on Martin Seligman’s website ‘Authentic Happiness’. You will end up with a report that compares your optimism level with someone of your own age, gender and in your line of work… and you can then see if you’re a Tigger or an Eeyore!
In his book ‘Learned Optimism’, Seligman refers to two crucial dimensions called Permanence and Pervasiveness.
Let’s take Permanence first… Eeyores believe that the causes of the bad things that happen to them are permanent and that these bad things will always happen to them; whereas Tiggers see the causes of bad events as being temporary.
So if you forget your partner’s birthday, you might think “oops, I’ve been preoccupied with work this week” (temporary glitch – optimistic) or you might conclude “I’m rubbish at remembering birthdays” (permanent behaviour/character style – pessimistic). As you can see Tiggers move on with the rest of their lives not giving the missed birthday a second thought… while Eeyores gloomily conclude that all birthdays in the future will be potentially forgotten.
Interestingly if we look at good events, your explanatory style swaps over. So if you win the lottery, Tiggers conclude that they are always lucky (permanent), whereas Eeyores might conclude that it was just a lucky day (temporary).
Next up… Pervasiveness! This is the difference between people who can compartmentalise their problems and carry on regardless with the rest of their life, and people whose world comes crashing down if one tiny aspect breaks.
An example would be that Tiggers who fail an exam might conclude that they didn’t study hard enough for that particular exam (specific). Eeyores on the other hand would be more likely to catastrophise the event by thinking that they were useless at taking all exams (universal). Again with good events the explanatory styles for the optimist and pessimist swap over. So if someone at work comes to them for advice and guidance, Tiggers might conclude that they were respected in the organisation as a good mentor (universal); Eeyores however might think that they were only picked out because they happened to know about that particular topic or issue (specific).
So you can see how being a bit of an Eeyore can put you into a pretty helpless state – you will explain bad events in permanent and pervasive ways so your future expectations are lowered and you make mountains out of molehills. And you will dismiss good events as mere fluke and explain them away by being extremely specific. I feel gloomy just writing this!
Much better then to be a Tigger who dismisses bad events as temporary dips, is focused when finding a root cause in order to minimise any spillover into other pursuits, and comes up with permanent and universal explanations when things go well. Or is it?
Well before we get into all of that philosophy stuff, what can Eeyores do about transforming their pessimism to optimism? Seligman recommends that we practise optimism by first becoming aware of our explanatory style and then by challenging pessimistic thinking patterns (in our own heads of course not by having a heated debate with ourselves out loud in a public place). Why? Because the more optimistic you are the happier you will be.
So is it really better to be a Tigger? I do recall an Open University tutorial a couple of years ago when we looked at something similar on our Social Psychology course. We learned that the human psyche is wired to be more optimistic than pessimistic – a self-preservation technique; and that people who have clinical depression are experiencing depressive reality i.e. they really are seeing life for what it is and have a more accurate view of the world.
So what do you think? I do try and be optimistic in my thinking as I believe it gives me a more positive and enjoyable life experience. And if I dwell too much in the land of existential angst, I can get a trifle gloomy. Overall I’ve concluded that being positive is a good thing, as long as there is a healthy dose of realism in there somewhere. Onwards and upwards!
The simple act of smiling can make you happier. Too often we walk past strangers without a glance, or with a straight face or we avoid eye contact altogether. Instead, try something different! Look strangers in the eye, and give them a genuine smile. In most cases, you’ll get a smile in return, and the more you smile, the more smiles you’ll see in return! The end result is a happier world. So simple!
